The Corporate Translator's Handbook: A Field Guide
I've been translating corporate speak for six years now, and I've realized something: we're all doing it. Every single one of us learned this second language out of necessity, and now we're all fluent in saying everything except what we actually mean.
It's the professional equivalent of Fist Pounding A High Five, or vice versa.
The Classics (AKA The Safe Zone)
"Let's circle back on this"
This isn't urgent enough for right now, and we both know it. Let's acknowledge it exists and deal with it when we have actual bandwidth.
"I'll ping you offline"
This conversation needs context/nuance that doesn't work well in a group setting.
"This is a high-level overview"
I'm giving you the executive summary because either (a) you don't need all the details yet, or (b) I'm still figuring out the details myself.
"Let's take this offline"
We're either going in circles, getting too detailed for this forum, or this is turning into a debate that doesn't need 12 witnesses.
The Passive-Aggressive Tier (Use Sparingly, With Love)
"Per my last email..."
I already answered this, and I'm trying really hard to be patient right now.
"I want to make sure we're aligned"
I think we might be heading in different directions, and I'd like to sync up before we build the wrong thing.
"Let's be mindful of..."
Gentle course correction incoming.
"That's a great point, but..."
I appreciate the input, and also here's why we can't do it that way.
The Reality Check Collection (Not Gaslighting, Just... Capitalism)
"We're all wearing multiple hats here"
Our team is lean and scrappy. Sometimes that's exciting, sometimes that's exhausting.
"We're a family here"
We care about each other and want a positive culture....unless
"This is a growth opportunity"
This task is challenging and outside your current scope.
"We value work-life balance"
We say we care about boundaries.
The Meeting Menaces (We've All Been There)
"Let's put a pin in that"
This is worth discussing, but not right now in this context.
"Can everyone see my screen?"
I'm either (a) new to screen sharing, (b) stalling for 5 seconds, or (c) my screen share legit failed.
"I'll have to check with my team"
I don't want to commit without consensus, or I genuinely need input from people who know more than me.
"Let's timebox this discussion"
We need to respect everyone's time and make a decision.
Tech Talk (Because We're All Guilty)
"This is a known issue"
We're aware of it and it's in the backlog somewhere between "eventually" and "never."
"We're refactoring for maintainability"
The code works but it's getting hard to work with, so we're cleaning it up.
"This follows our coding standards"
I ran the linter and it passed. (Hopefully we have good standards.)
"It's a simple change"
It seems simple from the outside.
The Politics (AKA Navigating Hierarchy Without Losing Your Mind)
"That's above my pay grade"
I literally don't have the authority or context to make this call.
"I'll loop in [senior person]"
This needs visibility or approval from someone with more context/authority.
"We need to be strategic about this"
Let's think bigger picture instead of just reacting.
"Let's align with leadership on this"
This decision has organizational impact and needs buy-in from above.
P.S. If you took this personally let's put a pin in it and circle back. ;)